I find myself alone in the house for a week and every spider in the damn neighbourhood seems to be taking this as an invitation to move in. I was busy cleaning my bedroom on Monday being the Domestic Goddess that I am (and I use that term loosely) when a huge spider shot out from behind my DVD case which can’t be moved since it is attached to the bloody wall. I stood there trembling for five minutes working on my plan of action before I decided the suck-it-up-with-the-hoover method had to be implemented because the scream-for-dad method is temporarily unavailable.
The ugly bugger shot up the hose on its own private roller coaster ride. Mission accomplished. I, on the other hand, am still a quivering wreck because I hate spiders with a passion and cannot have them anywhere in my vicinity.
What just happened? I head downstairs into the kitchen to get a drink and just miss standing on one of the biggest f**king spiders I’ve ever seen in my life! I nearly stood on it! With. My. Barefoot. I stood there, heart pounding in my ears and I swear to God it was laughing at me! It has eyes and that probably means it has teeth too! Once again, I have a dilemma. I can’t just shut the door and leave it because I need to use the kitchen tomorrow… I don’t need to be looking in every corner as I make my breakfast… There’s no one else here… It’ll be gone by the time I get the hoover out…. I see my saviour. A plastic bin which is duly placed over the monster and I vacate the vicinity.
So, I am in dire need of a strapping male who will dutifully dispose of spiders for me, starting with the one in the kitchen in the morning. Other duties will to be determined but cuddling and soothing massages are a definite possibility.
I don’t need lectures on how you shouldn’t kill them as they are living creatures but, damn, they invade my territory and they have to be prepared to pay the ultimate price. *shudders*
Me too!!! I totally use the hoover to rid our house of spiders.
*shivers*
By chelle
on 08.29.07 2:47 am | Permalink
Hahahaha ! You just behave like me ! I once had an enormous spider in my room discovered it at 3 am, after a nervous break down I got the vacuum cleaner and had it sucked up. But then I thought this dammned thing will crawl out again so I left it on for half an hour. The next day my neighbour (at that time I lived in flat) asked me not to do my spring cleaning in the middle of the night !
Today I have my cat Pookie, she loves spiders, plays with them and eats them (brrrr) so when a fat spider is sitting in the bath tube, I put her in the bathroom and lock the door. It rumbles for a while and when it’s silent again I open the door, the spider is gone and Pookie leaks her whiskers. I don’t need a man, lol !
By Gattina
on 08.29.07 10:05 am | Permalink
Well, perhaps I shouldn’t say this, butt we once had a spider as a pet here. Of course it was a smaller one. We named him Basil. He even seem to listened to his name, he came when we called for him. Well, sort of. *giggles*
He were very social, always wanted to be where we were… If we sat at the computers, he was in the ceiling above us or on the wall and when going to bed he was around the bed….
Maybe a peeping Tom? *giggles*
Though he disappeared eventually.
My method is:
Take a big glass and some hard paper piece.
Put the glass over the spider to lock him in. (Of course it’s a male spider… *giggles*)
Slide the hard paper piece in under the glass and voilá, the spider is trapped inside the glass and therefor moveable.
Throw him out outside somewhere - or flush him down the toilet.
Works excellent with whasp’s or moths too
By captain lifecruiser
on 08.29.07 11:46 am | Permalink
What a story!!! don’t like spiders too! The small it’s ok but not the big ones! In such eventuality I take a magazine and splashhhhhhhh! Finish!
By claudie
on 08.29.07 8:41 pm | Permalink
My pet turtle will gladly eat them for you. Lately I’ve been feeding the little ones to him. And he loves them. There was some bug in my bed last night too, and I fed it to him. I figured that since it almost gave me a heart attack that it deserved to be left with Lenny.
By Sword Girl
on 09.01.07 12:51 am | Permalink