The Captain has just started the latest ship party and we are under orders to select a vintage dress from Vintageous. You can see mine below!

Joke #1
An Englishman and a Scotsman are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on.

At this point, the Scotsman goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of sherry. He hands the bottle to the Englishman, who exclaims “May the Scots and the English live together forever, in peace, and harmony”.

The Englishman then tips the bottle and gulps half of the bottle down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Scotsman, who replies: “No, thanks, I’ll just wait till the Police get here”.

Joke #2
A Scotsman walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, “Your barracks door is open.”

This is not a phrase Scotsmen normally use so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, “Your fly is open.”

He zipped up and finished his shopping. He then went up to the lady who told him about his “barracks door.” He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her counter he said, “When you saw my barracks door was open did you see a Scottish soldier standing in there at attention?”

The lady thought for a moment and said, “No, no. I didn’t. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffle bags!!!